Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Give The People What They Want

*DISCLAIMER* This post is a little image heavy.  And a little awesome heavy as well. *DISCLAIMER*

Alright, you heathens!  You've been salivating over yesterday's news, so let's do this.  To wit...

sometimes a banana is just a banana
For those of you who read this blog but don't read the comments (what's wrong with you), it was brought to LVLB's attention yesterday that one Curtis Cannon, Esq. was involved in a little jailhouse tete-a-tete (sort of) with a client in the detention center being held on various charges.  For the record, Mr. Cannon is 58 and his client, Ms. Crystal Wallis, is 23.  We also have a photo of the couple.  This is them.

Mr. Cannon has a distaste for shirts
Enjoy the visual you have right now.  Because we are going to destroy it after the jump.

 Alright, that was fun.  Did you enjoy your nice visual?  Here is the above-photo before it was retouched.

take that Photoshopped models!
Now I know what you're thinking.  That was mean of me.  Agreed.  But I digress.  Let's learn about Mr. Cannon and Ms. Wallis.

As a primer, Mr. Cannon earned his law degree from BYU (no joke here, too easy) and practiced in Texas before becoming a Nevada attorney in '07.  Ms. Wallis was in the detention center being held on drug charges and a charge of attempted possession of a stolen vehicle.  While interesting information, that's not why you're here.  I know what you want.  As you wish, dear reader.  To the important stuff.  The details are still somewhat limited, but it appears from detention center arrest reports that the "visit" lasted between 23 minutes and 26 minutes, depending on the article source.  Now I know what you're now thinking.

"billing" in 6-minute increments
Agreed again.  But here's where it gets weird/crazy/hilarious.  Apparently, the video camera was placed in a location that clearly shows the oral sex being performed AND shows Mr. Cannon giving Ms. Wallis a high five.  Despite the longevity of the encounter though, Ms. Wallis assured detectives that the fellatio "did not reach its natural conclusion."  You can read that sentence again if you need to, I'll wait.

After being questioned by detectives in the RJC Monday morning, Cannon eventually admitted to receiving the oral sex.  His excuses were, in increasing order of "seriously?", were:

1) he was on medication,
2) he had not had sex with his wife for the past 14 years, AND FINALLY
3) that his client Ms. Wallis wanted to marry him when she was released from jail.


On the serious side, Mr. Cannon was charged with voluntary sexual conduct between a prisoner and another person.  Yes, that is an actual crime.  A felony, to be precise, that carries with it a sentence of 1-4 years.  I hear the trysts are different in that situation.

26 minutes, huh?

 Also, the State Bar is looking into Mr. Cannon.  Also, police are now investigating the possibility that Mr. Cannon was "involved in sexual misconduct" with other clients.  So yeah, Mr. Cannon has essentially done the dumbest thing I can honestly think of.

this Mr. Cannon is a close second, though

So that's what we know so far.  If any of you out there has any more information, please throw it in the comments or email us.  

There, and not one joke about Mr. Cannon's cannon.

OK, one



  1. I've already left a couple comments in the other thread, so I'll just throw this one out there:

    What lessons can be learned here? Don't lend money to family embroiled in IRS problems? If you're the lawyer, don't use your trust fund as a escrow account? Pay your damn taxes, even if you earned the income illegally? All of the above?

    Or maybe the lesson is that criminal defendants should treat the government like a beefy prostitute: offer it money in exchange for a service, and you'll end up without either the service or your money.

  2. If the Bar yanks Willis' ticket he'll probably get a job as a Sexual Harassment Compliance Officer for John Bonaventura.

  3. Lesson from 8:17 PM comment: Before you tell your client to get money to bargain with a federal judge, know how federal sentencing works.

  4. Hey blogmaster, are you single? Oh and are you male? You're pretty funny........